You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
