I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
