Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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