At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
this hospital has no fireball
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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