walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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