I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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