o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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