so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
