I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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