I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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