Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
