dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
