Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
