The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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