What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
