Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
