i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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