Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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