Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
