Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you win again, gameday.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
