I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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