Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
