dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
