if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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