I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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