My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
