remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
