I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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