I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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