If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
