I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
