And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
