A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
