Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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