I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The best revenge is premature balding
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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