I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
