instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
