we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
