he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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