I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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