My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
