So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
