I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
