I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
