You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
