I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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