Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
