SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
