Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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