If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
