Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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