There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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