dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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