...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In other news, I just burned my penis
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
