Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
