she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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